I grew up with 6 younger siblings. I adored each one of them and enjoyed being the big sister who got to change diapers and get the chubby, rolly polly baby dressed in the morning. I watched my momma love pregnancy, and love and take care of all of these babies like a super hero. I decided very young I also wanted a whole bunch of children to love. I decided 26 would be a good amount of kids. As I got older and I questioned if it was humanly possible to birth that many, I slowly dropped that number down from 26 to 12, and then eventually to 6 or 7. It was my dream to marry a wonderful man, and mother a whole flock of children and teach them about God. I would hold any baby I could and prided myself in being able to rock a crying baby to sleep. I never thought about a possibility of not being able to have kids.
God blessed me beyond words with that sweet and wonderful husband. We spent a few years simply enjoying each others company, learning how to love each other well and growing in our knowledge of God. Soon we started talking about babies. A fear slowly crept in as I saw many couples around us struggling to get pregnant, and losing babies as soon as they did. What if its never been in God’s plan for us? I worried. I knew I needed to trust Him completely. It was my constant prayer. But I just knew that if this was his plan for us, I needed to be okay with it because He is in control and works everything for His good. But on January 5th, 2019 we discovered some sweet news. After just one month of trying, God blessed us with a tiny little life growing inside me. Braden & I had been shopping that day... We bought a test that said it would be able to tell us six days early! I didn't know there was such a thing,... but we bought it and took the test when we got home. We went out to bring in our groceries from the trip. My heart was pounding as I had seen a glance on the way out and saw TWO very faded lines. I couldn't stop smiling at my husband as we passed back and forth. We picked it up together and couldn’t stop smiling as we stared at those two pink lines. I couldn't even believe it! Braden and I hugged and hugged both in a bit of shock and so much joy. It was such a sweet moment. As we went about putting things away from the shopping trip. My mind was floating in a cloud of joy. It just didn't quite feel real. I was so very excited to be pregnant and loved our little bundle already. He or she was only the size of a poppy seed at four weeks, yet already beautiful to me.
I assumed we would lose this little one. I prayed continually for God to give me faith in Him and His goodness. Yet, most of my prayer was that I would understand and accept if God decided to raise this little angel Himself in heaven. Because how could I object if that was the life plan for this little person I already loved so much? What a perfect life that would be. I prayed for acceptance no matter what the life plan was. God was and always is in control. And His plans are so much better then mine.
But as pregnancy continued everything went well. The first time hearing that little heartbeat felt like a miracle. God is so so sweet to us and we cannot help but thank Him everyday.
